Week Five Picks
I’m short on time, so I’ll just get right to it. Here’s what not to expect.
New Orleans (-6.5) at Carolina
I was gonna point out that the Panthers defense is atrocious, but then I realized that’s not true. Carolina’s defense can’t be atrocious, because Carolina doesn’t have a defense. They’ve got an offense, though, so that’s something. Saints by two touchdowns.
Kansas City (+2) at Indianapolis
I did see the Manningless Colts play well enough not to get stomped on by the Buccaneers on Monday night. I agree, it was impressive in a weird little way. That’s all very nice, but it doesn’t mean Indy is going to get its first win this weekend. Because, look, you beat the Chiefs by running the ball. And the Colts don’t know how to run the ball. So there you go. Kansas City by a point.
Philadelphia (-3) at Buffalo
I think there’s a distinct possibility no one ever throws the ball in this game. I mean, why bother? Neither defense can stop the run worth a damn. The world turns rightside up and the Eagles come out on top, though only by a point.
Seattle (+10) at NY Giants
Before the season started, when I predicted a tough year for the Giants, a friend on Facebook (not a Facebook friend, mind you, a real one who is also on Facebook) commented that I must not have looked at New Jersey’s easy schedule. He had a point. Here come the Seahawks, whose coach is proud of the fact that they didn’t get beat too badly last week, which is one of the many reasons Pete continues to be unsuccessful as an NFL head coach. Maybe this week, he can be proud of his team for not losing by double digits. Giants by nine.
Cincinnati (+2) at Jacksonville
The Bengals have a surprisingly good defense. The Jaguars have a defense, at least some of the time. Cincy by six.
Tennessee (+3) at Pittsburgh
Can someone explain to me how it is that the Titans are getting points in this game. Is it because the Steelers are supposed to be good? Because there’s a difference between a team that’s supposed to be good and one that’s, you know, actually good. Let’s see if Pittsburgh’s horrendous O line can figure out how to protect the quarterback, or the Steelers’ skill players can figure out how to hold onto the damned ball, before we install them as favorites again — on any field — shall we? Titans by four.
Oakland (+5.5) at Houston
Another game that I expect will be all about running offense. I’m not exactly going out on a limb here. Both offenses specialize in the run, and neither defense can stop it. I’m taking the Texans because they’re at home, but I’m not giving five and a half. I’m thinking the difference will come down to something more like three.
Arizona (+2.5) at Minnesota
Which former Eagles quarterback has been more disappointing this season? Yeah, I don’t care either. Vikings by a point.
Tampa Bay (+3) at San Francisco
Just about every week, there’s a game on the schedule that I’m certain will be decided by turnovers. This week, it’s this one. The Niners are great at taking the ball away. The Buccaneers aren’t sloppy by any means, but they’re at a disadvantage here. San Francisco by three.
NY Jets (+9) at New England
I’m sorry, but nine points is just insane in this game. OK, sure, the Frat Boys did just get their asses kicked by the Ravens last Sunday night. And, sure, New Jersey has an O line that’s … well it’s truly offensive, isn’t it? And, yes, the Frat Boys are on the road for the third straight week. It’s also true that the Patriots’ run game is better than it’s getting credit for being (the fact that the team hasn’t run the ball much this season doesn’t indicate that it can’t, just that they happen to have a great passer and they choose to use him). And the New England defense is getting healthier. That’s all well and good. I think the Pats win this game. But nine would be an absurd spread in any division game in which one of the teams doesn’t outright stink, and I don’t really think New Jersey has fallen that far. So let’s go with something more realistic. I’m thinking New England by three, four at the most.
San Diego (-4) at Denver
This game might be interesting to watch just to see two teams fumble the ball back and forth to each other. The Chargers have been getting away with some truly awful football so far this season. The Broncos haven’t. I can’t see any reason to expect anything different here. San Diego by six.
Green Bay (-6) at Atlanta
The Falcons may yet right the ship and do something with this season. But it won’t be this week. Not against the defending, and quite possibly repeat, champions. Packers by 10.
Chicago (+5) at Detroit
Bears awful offensive line, meet Ndamukong Suh. Lions by 17.
